Hi. It's 2021.

In the year 2021, nobody really writes a blog now, most bloggers had converted themselves into YouTubers, vlogging instead blogging.

So, why the post all of a sudden?

It's been 7 years since 2014, and I wanted to note down what I'm feeling now as many has happened during these years.

In a nutshell, I came back to Malaysia from UK, started my first job, quit my first job, started my second job, got proposed, got married, got pregnant and delivered a baby, and not to forget, living in the era of a pandemic known as Covid-19.

Currently I'm still out of words, hope I'll be able to get back on track in expressing how I feel through blogging. That'd be all for today, more events to be updated, or maybe I should go back in time and blog those important events. =)

Bye.

London bridge is not falling down

Even though how much I've missed home, but the fact that I'm leaving still saddens me a lot. I like UK alot, like really a lot, I feel like the people here are so stress free. Basically everything here made me go "awww" all the time, especially the weather here. The children here are so cute, rosey cheeks. And I can always witness love, old couples walking hand in hand still in love like they were still young. There are so many historic places and the histories are so amazing.

I wish one day I'll be able to work in London, so that I can enjoy all of these all over again, to witness and capture all these beautiful scenes. I know it's hard, but I will do whatever I can to get to work in London, the city where all the fairy tales can happen, eg. royal weddings. Prince William and Kate, Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillips, Duke of Edinburgh. All these royals love story, it's like a fairy tale. Well, back to topic, London, I will see you in 5 years time. I promise.

London, see you in October 2014 and in 2020. night

haha. totally failed again. Didn't manage to keep the promise that I made to myself. "ya, bi-daily" haha. funny. Ending my summer degree program in two weeks time and I'll be travelling for a month and back to my home sweet home. Oh my, how much I've missed my friends and family back in the boleh land. All the late night yum cha session with the boys, my sista gathering, my parents' delicious food. and the pak toh dates with the boyfie. But of course, I still have to finish my ACCA. The only thing that I do not wish to face when I'm back in Malaysia. Well, life goes on, still need to face it. == Only succeed is allowed, since I have so much free time after I go back. Definitely gonna miss Sheffield, but I still want my friends and family.  Things will be so much better if I came here with my beloved CHS-ians or my da zhi fellows, wished I could travel the some part of the world together with them one day, that would be so much fun. One day, I will...

I finally understand why some people who encountered LDR eventually just couldn't make it through. Its not easy to be in a LDR regardless of the time frame. Maybe it's my problem, for being so overly attached back then, so used to being together all the time. whatever. Even without the existence of LDR my relationship with him would still be shaking as well, so now things are even worse with LDR. Seriously, screw this shit. Just want to live to the fullest during these months in UK. I can settle this shit when I'm back in Malaysia and everything will fall back into place eventually. 

It's so horrible to see all the unfortunate things are increasingly happening, war between countries, natural disaster,  accidents that are happening around the world. What has the world become? I thought we were educated to avoid war after since it is seen to be helpless but only taking innocent lives away and does no benefit either countries. Why do governments cannot sit down relax and solve the problem peacefully? War is the last thing that every human being wish to happen, but then lately, human seems to be very indulged in war, living the life of the past, those suffering moments which I clearly do not understand why. It might release your anger but then it is taking millions of innocent lives away as well. do not know what to comment about it. I just want world peace, that's all. 

Things are clearly not going very smoothly, but I do hope that it will get into the right path in every part of the world, including myself. Let's hope for the best. 

Hi hi!

Its D second month here in Sheffield. Starting to really miss home. All the people and delicious foods. I wonder how people who studied overseas endured everyday for years living with friends only. I really do. Guess I'm a family person after all, cause eventually no matter where you go, there is no place like home. Until the end of a day, the place you miss most is your home, family, friends.

Its endeavouring, but if I have the option to choose I rather not leave my family. Living alone, I simply cannot except for when I'm really forced to, like working overseas. But on the other hand, its a good experience to live alone. Every house chores, I have to do it myself, maybe to some people its nothing, but I don't do house chores the moment I arrive on this earth, I have a maid ever since I was born. Not I really didn't do it before (been maid for almost half a year during Form 5), its just that normally all the time, I do have a maid.

Even though I helped out alot in temple, but the feeling and experience is still different. At least I don't have to cook when I'm in Malaysia. I don't have to wash my dishes, I don't have to think of transport problem (just drive to my destination), I don't have to think about how I spend my money on groceries and therefore I can shop as frequent as I want. BUT at here is totally a different story. I need to calculate every penny of my living expenses, making sure that I don't over spend it, cause I'm not the type of richass people whereby they spend all they want and ask for more == total spoiled brat. Just an above average by the way. So, it's harder than I thought.

It really gave me a lesson, when I go back Malaysia, I will appreciate every bit of what my parents did for me. Taking into account for unseen necessary daily living expenses. It's visible but it's also invisible. Trust me, you wont understand not until you try to live alone. Maybe it's a little late for me to experience this, but better late than never. I guess that's all for today, need to get prep for class. Ciao.

When you get older, you know who stays with you and who are the ones that meant to you.

I don't really wanna be fussy about birthday wishes and all, but when someone stand a place in your heart, you wish that they'll wish you like sincerely, from the bottom of their heart. But when they do not do so, you clearly know how much worth you are to them. No point reserving my heart to such people I guess?

At least for now, I know who really cares about me and who matters to me.

无谓的人，如果没有利益上的交易，请滚开。就这样，晚安。

p/s: I'll blog at least bi-daily to keep memories in  UK.

Hi, I'm back just for a moment.

I have forget how often I used to blog, portraying every single piece of thoughts into words. Well, guess that passion just fades as time goes by or probably I don't enjoy blogging anymore. So why am I again then?

So, I've fulfilled my dreams after 4 years, flying to UK to complete my Degree in Accounting and Finance, though I'm yet to complete my ACCA after heading back to my home country. Yes, I am now at Sheffield, UK. I've always wanted to have that kind of experience, studying abroad.

I just talk to my mum few minutes ago, she told me that my brother wished to give up on his studies, give up on ACCA and FYI he is my elder brother (I'm the youngest in my family). It sort of broke my heart because my brother's highest qualification is just a Diploma in Accounting. He couldn't complete his Advanced Diploma and so he is currently pursuing for ACCA external exam only, but he did not want to continue because he said and thought he couldn't make it to the end. Its heart broken to see him being like that, what about his future? what can he do in the future? what about his family if ever wanted one? Life is getting tougher as the inflation continues to increase, and things are getting worse when the next recession is about to explode. Mum and dad were so worried about him since he couldn't graduate from Advanced Diploma, he didn't even have a degree on hand, and now he wants to stop his studies? I just want my mum to be happy, but worrying about him does not make my parents to be completely happy, I can tell some time in the future, they will turned back and regret everything.

Why does my mum has to face all these kind of unhappy stuffs? First she had to fought cancer, then she had to face with financial problems, now my brother's future. My dad wasn't any better. All these family stress have made an influence to me as well, since young I'm bearing all these kinds of stress until today, I tell myself everyday I do not have a second chance in my life, I am not allowed to let my parents down, I am not allowed to fail in my studies at least.

And now that I'm at UK, going to Cambridge tomorrow, but I don't think I'm going to fully enjoy it because Sunway University hasn't issue my deferment letter. Another mess that I could not solve. If I don't get the letter before the semester starts, my RM3,000 that I paid previously will vanish in the thin air. Sigh, and I am now worrying about my assignment here as well. I felt so helpless and useless that I couldn't settle my stuff. I really do not wish to gain any trouble for my mum, since she is already so busy with her own work, now she has to help me settle these stuffs. I feel so sorry for my mum, I need to graduate with a first class honour. I know I can do it and I will get a first class honour degree in accounting and finance.

你。

你每次說你愛我，但偏偏多的時候我感覺不到。
你每次說你想我，但偏偏多的時候我沒察覺到。

我有時候在想，我在你心目中到底是處在哪個位置。
我偶爾會想，如果你想我，一封簡訊有很困難嗎？
我也會想，如果你愛我，難道你不想我嗎？
那為什麼，你的簡訊，收到的機率會是少過10%？

一次又一次的等待，好累。
我這次決定了，我不想再主動找你。
因為愛的權利是附屬在愛得比較少的那個。
而我。就是要做那個愛得比較少的。

周杰伦- 明明就

糖果罐里好多颜色
微笑却不甜了
你的某些快乐
在没有我的时刻

中古世纪的城市里
我想就走到这
海鸥不再眷恋大海
可以飞更远

远方传来风笛
我只在意有你的消息
城堡为爱守着秘密
而我为你守着回忆

明明就不习惯牵手
为何却主动把手勾
你的心事太多
我不会戳破

明明就他比较温柔
也许他能给你更多
不用抉择
我会自动变朋友

p/s: 把这首歌送给你，用你的立场来欣赏这首歌。我现在很幸福，你的关心，谢了。

A brand new year. Stepping into 21

After a century since the last update, I'm back again. Well, my relationship is going on very well and in a week time to hit 2 years, time really flies. Though we've been through ups and downs, but both of us still hold on to each other because we know faith doesn't always bumped into you. So, if whenever you think you meet your mr.right, don't ever let it go due to minor arguments, cause it's hard for you to meet another one.

It's year 2013 now. and I'm turning 21 this year! FEELS SO OLD! Anyway, 2012 was good to me, but I believed 2011 was better.  2012 seemed to be a bit more boring than I expected, disappointed as well, le sigh. But I've found out something and it really surprised me. Here's what I want to share.

When you moved on your life from a sorrowful past, you really won't wanna go through it all over again. At times I would look back and wonder why would I took the steps, and remind myself to avoid it from happening again. Sometimes when you missed your golden opportunity, despite what field of opportunity, if you missed you will never get a second chance, and you wont be able to chase it back. Even you if you have the luck to hold for a second chance, but you still screwed it in the end, and you still get nothing eventually, that's the consequences.

p/s: Living in the past wont make you stronger, it only weakens you.

great day ahead =)

S.T.R.E.S.S.

Hmm. It's July in about a week. Haven't start studying for my finals.
Buddha. God. Allah. Whatever religion it is. Please let me get a cgpa of 4.0 this sem. I beg you!

don't know why do I feel so paranoid lately. 

Stress level just pass through my head. way head above. 

Le sigh. So afraid that my results suck like shit, 

should have be more hardworking than ever

but for the past 6 weeks I've been slacking around. 

SLACKING!!!!  

my god. PLEASE SAVE ME!

high school. miss it so much.

at least my stress level are not constrained by time.
at least I still get to fool around everyday
at least I get to see all my friends everyday.

Selfishness

Ya. It's been awhile since I last post. Well this random sudden posting it's because I find somebody is unsatisfied with me giving some emo shit face but I don't give a damn cause I don't live to please you. What I do I'm not regret about it.

Assignment is fewer but the quality required is much more higher since it's the last sem and everybody is fighting at its best. And my group mates, like finally after so many sems, I no longer need to be in the same group with that person. I might be acting evil as a witch for kicking her out from the group. But I don't care cause I'm caring for my own benefit and for my group mates as well. After that incident I no longer trust her she can deliver what I want. Ya. Imagine you've reminded and yet work not done. I get so pissed at that moment and it taught me a lesson never ever to be in a same group with this person even though there's only a sem left to go.

And one day my friend told me he is pity of her. I told him you shouldn't cause this is what she should encounter after putting us so much trouble and not realizing it that she has some attitude problem on her assignments. And expecting us to clean up her mess if she done it wrongly since its a group assignment.

I know I'm acting very cruel on her but you have to pay for what you did. It's time for her to fall and get back up by herself. I fall once during my SPM, I had an unsatisfying result. I was very unhappy about it but ever since then I put in a lot of hard work to achieve what I want for the past 2 years, nobody can stop me or ruin my hard work.

Everybody is selfish. Everybody wants the best for themselves. Im blogging about this to remind myself. What I did to her this sem is not wrong, i am helping myself, my group mates and also her at the mean time. Cause what shes going through now is what she had placed me at during back few sems. nobody can blame me for what I did. NOBODY!

who likes being sick?

no one! 

not having fever, not suppose to and will not!

Piping in all the waters I could have 

into my body

after all the thai food and mid night french fries

my body turned heaty

YES. luckily recover from sore throat

after gargled with salt water. 

it feels so much better

all my assignments were submitted *yay

did my last presentation today

and my group did quite well

glad the tutor said that to us

I was expecting something worse

like real worse

worse as in we did the whole thing wrongly.

left 2 finals and one test next week

have to start studying the MIS

I have to score well this sem

it's sucks I don't even know any of the cw marks

Buddha and God please be good to me

please do.

*PRAYING HARD!

so stressed out.

short sem is definitely no fun

I mean we have to rush everything

within the short time constraint

it's MADNESS!!!

but it's ending soon

this is the happy part

as soon as it's finish

I'm so free.

and it's me fun time AGAIN!

YAY

shall rush back to assignment now.

6th Semester started. 

Diploma ending soon, 

and the tough part has yet to come

feeling so stresses out all of a sudden 

due to previous semester exam

I think I did quite bad on it

waiting for the results to be released

feel so unwell

Shall do very very extremely well

for this semester

pay 100% effort 

I know I can do it

=)

hmm, I know it's late to say this

me and him had been together for a year

time flies in just a blink of an eye

We quarrel at times but

we pull it off with the problem together as well

ya, and le fussy and da xiao jie me

always throw tantrum at him

this is bad and I know it very well

it's time for me to change this habit

scared he'll dump me one day

I'm serious. 

LOL. alright nuff said.

think this update is good enough =)

People move on for a reason, 

because they got sick of waiting,

because they finally letting it go, 

and the utmost is they are no longer in love with that person. 

Yes, for me, I'm ticking 3 of it, ya all of it. 

So, my ex, the one that once made me felt how pathetic I am. 

He suddenly came up texting me one day, 

the only thing I thought was, 

what is he trying to do? 

Trying to steal his ex from the current boyfriend?

 partly Yes. 

I was stunned.

He asked for another chance

but the only thing I knew was

it's too late for you to regret for what you did

you asked for it, I respect you and now,

I've moved on to a better life, so don't stay in the past. 

kindly my advise. 

people look forward. 

Freshkon Alluring Eyes Model Search 2011

I joined the Freshkon Alluring Eyes Model Search 2011

in the month of October

so, what I'm about to say for the next second is

ya you know, that's right

I'm one of the top 50 finalist

to get the chance to win the prizes

I need your help

in order to get into top 3

can you readers help to vote for me?

what you have to do is

First, click on the link below 

Freshkon Alluring Model Search 2011

Then, click on Top 50 Finalist and search for Yinsan Lai

(this is the photo you should be voting for)

ya, that's me.

I used this to join the contest

and then click VOTE!

Vote for me and Spread it to your friends =)

Please do not hesitate to vote for me alright?

it will only take you a few seconds to do so. 

your vote is much appreciated!

KAMSAHAMIDA!!! *90 degree bow*

a rainy morning

what's best about a rainy morning?

you feel like sleeping until the rain stops.

BUT, I have to pull myself up from the bed

to attend classes, ya I woke up at 7am 

whereas my class starts at 8am

so not enough for me to get ready, take my breakfast

do my prayer and the journey to my college

this is totally insufficient.

maybe not totally, ya but

who knows that the traffic today are more congested than normally it is?

screw today, thought of reaching college JUST IN TIME

too bad, the traffic screw it. jam all the way, 

and I was late for half an hour

so, decided to attend the other class

since no attendance will be taken if 

I'm late for half an hour or more

so, lately we are sort of busy

ok, it's just you not me.

a little tiny bit not used to it

but somehow just have to

and ALSO I'M SO SO

so worried that your scholarship will be terminated

hope you'll do well in your course

I believe you can.

you'll just have to pay more effort in it

and change the habit of not doing homework back then.

fighting!

next class starting soon.

appearing as off now

BYE

approaching week 8.

and worst part of being on the 8th week?

I feel like I don't get any input ==

it's alright. still have 7 more weeks to work hard

I know I can do it.

ANYEONG!